what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
