and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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