Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Green mimosas i think yes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
