I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
