it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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