just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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