I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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