I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
