He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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