I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
