Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
