defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
