Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am available for nakedness
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
