Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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