Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
