he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
