How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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