Just fell off a train. Bad.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
