Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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