And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
