Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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