I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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