John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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