Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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