he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
