new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
