I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
