I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
