he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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