I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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