Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize