Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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