FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
