We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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