Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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