Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
