we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize