He kissed a someone with a penis
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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