I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just gargled with NyQuil
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
