the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
