i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
