I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
