I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize