My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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