i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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