just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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