Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Your cock deserves a montage
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
