i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
