dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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