Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
