dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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