Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
