When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize