I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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