My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize