He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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