in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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