i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
