you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
