Can i not drive my cunt home
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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