We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
