Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I wish I could punch you in the face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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