Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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