I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
